My Little Decoy
by A Girl Named Truth
Summary: Howard's not used to having to express his feelings so he hides them. Using Gideon as a decoy to cover up his desire for Vince, Howard manages to convince everyone that he is mad on Gideon and not Vince. Will the truth all come out?
1. Chapter 1

**Based on the lyrics of "Decoy" by Paramore.**

**Warnings: Swearing, eventual het & slash. Not too sure on how high the rating will end up yet.  
**

**Disclaimer: La Boosh belongs to Lady Fielding & Lord Barratt.**

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Close your eyes and make believe  
This is where you wanna be_

Another baguette on another warm, slightly sticky day at the zoo. Just like every other one that fell between the months of May and September. Everywhere he looked there were toddlers, school kids and teenagers marvelling at the animals or staring in a bored manner. Field trips would soon blend into summer holidays and there would be three times as many energy overloaded children bouncing around, getting under his feet and playing pranks on him. Howard got on with kids about as well as he got on with adults, each one was just waiting until his back was turned to call him a freak. You might call him paranoid but on the whole he was just too aware of what people thought of him. If he was honest with himself there wasn't a person on this planet he could trust enough to get close to. Except the one but that didn't make much difference as he would never trust himself to get close to him, the only person in the whole zoo that said g'morning back, that would wave on sight and that remembered his name. But he did that to everyone. He was a sweet kid. Howard gave his mind a Chinese burn, that was the kind of thoughts that stopped him trusting himself around that man. He would watch from a distance like he was inadvertently doing now.

Vince raised a hand in greeting to the man just across the zoo, looking in his direction. He got a nod and a quick break in eye contact in return. He was alright really, everyone else told him to stay away from him if he knew what was good for him but Vince knew that was just rumours. Vince had gathered in his first week that Howard wasn't much of a people person. He guessed it was a mixture of resentment and fear. Once you let people in they could hurt you. Vince still let people in, everyone in because he figured if you found one person that you could be friend with it would be worth it. It was a shame Howard didn't think the same way because Vince had a feeling he'd make a great friend. Something Vince really wanted and had yet to find in any of the other zoo staff. He grabbed a broom and started sweeping purposefully in Howard's direction. He was determined to get there before Howard finished his lunch.

"Alright?" He asked casual as possible, he pulled it off quite well considering he was out of breath and leaning on a broomstick.

"Yes thank you" Howard responded, speaking cautiously anticipating an insulting remark any second.

"I'm good thanks too, cheers for asking." Vince sat down on the bench next to Howard who looked uncomfortable at the idea of being so close to another human being. He didn't pick up the hint to ask Vince how he was either so they sat in silence for a second.

"Nice day, ain't it?"

"It's alright, bit too hot for my liking though"

"Same! Makes my hair go well weird."

"That wasn't exactly what concerned me."

"Wha'ya got in ya roll then?"

"Baguette"

"Don't that sorta defeat the object, bread in bread?"

"No, it's a baguette."

"I thought baguettes were longer?"

"Well I have eaten half of it"

"Ahhh, makes sense"

"Did you want something?"

"Nah…unless you're offering us a bite?"

"Than why…?" Howard didn't want to say it but he couldn't help but wonder why on earth anyone would willingly talk to him, just to pass the day.

"Just fancied a chatter. You're the only person I ain't heard the life story of yet"

"Yeah, we don't get new people here very often, gets boring seeing the same faces day in day out."

"That why you don't talk to anyone?"

"Pardon?"

"Well you don't. This is the longest conversation I've seen you have. Do you not like people or something?"

"Not really…more people don't like me"

"I like you"

"Beg your pardon?"

"Well, you're ok really. Bit quiet and jumpy but nothing that screams physiopath"

"Great…?"

"So yeah, you're alright. Tell you what, we should be mates"

"What if I don't need a mate?"

"What if you do?"

"I don't"

"Well, I do. I'm new and like you said people get bored of you easily here, you're different."

"Ummm, I'm really not good friend material"

"We'll work something out, see you later mate"

"Bye"

Howard wouldn't admit it to anyone but it felt so nice to hear someone call him mate. He doubted Vince would remember him half hour form now, people had a habit of forgetting his face but for a few minutes there he felt almost like a normal human being.

-x-

"Alright, Howard?" Vince ran over to him carring two cups, spilling half of them on himself.

"Want half a cuppa? I'm dead clumsy today, any idiot would know not to run with tea."

"Are you alright, not scalded or anything?"

"Nah, it's cold, I've been waiting for you for an hour."

"Why?"

"Cuz we're mates, and I though you could do with a cuppa after a long hard day at work so I waited by your shed but you never came. Where were you by the way, zoo closed ages ago?"

"I was talking to Gideon"

"You were talking to someone?" Vince's big eyes got slightly larger.

"Well, trying and failing."

"This the snake lady? She's not that nice to me either, keeps trying to grab my hair."

"Lucky you"

"Not really she's got mega nails, dig right in. What d'ya mean lucky anyway?"

"To have that godess touh you"

"Ooooh, you like her!" Vince's voice was brigh even as her felt a stab of jelousy surge through him. He couldn't pin point why, he just wanted a friend he told himself.

"What…bugger, I shouldn't say things out loud."

"Yeah you should, you should tell her, you're a right catch with those brown eyes and legs….err, for her like. Not that I've noticed." Vince repeated Howard's words in his head - I shouldn't say things out loud.

"No, one such as her would never like me"

"Don't be stupid, you think way too much."

"You've only known me 5 minutes"

"I've only been stood here five minutes, I know you better than that. What about our chat earlier?"

"Alright a few hours"

"I'd say about 6. Anyway I can tell, you're a thinker. I'm not."

"I'd gathered that." Howard smiled and Vince laughed, even though the joke was aimed at him.

"I meant I'm more of a do-er"

"Are you now?"

"Yeah…I mean I came up to you started talking. Didn't know you but I decided I should"

"Not quite the same though is it?"

"Why not? You're a person, she's a person, I'm a person. It's all the same."

"Yeah but you don't love me"

"I could."

Howard looked at him and he went bright red.

"I mean, _I could of_, you know if it'd been that way I would have still come over. Fucked that example up didn't I?"

"Yeah…thanks for the tea, I'd better be off"

"Laters" Vince watched him go, thinking of a way he could start the day again and not freak him out. He went back to his own hut, an old one allocated to the newbie, it was cold, drafty and there was a hole in the roof that threatened a shower every time it rained. He got into his sleeping bag early and put his headphones in. There was nothing else to do. He thought of all the things he could say to Howard to convince him to be his friend and let him in. If everyday went like today, one step forwards and two backwards, he was screwed. There must be some way he can get closer to Howard. Just as he was thinking this bit's of ceiling started to drop, first plaster then brick. He jumped up and bolted to the door in his pants and a t-shirt, sleeping bag draped around him. He watched as his roof caved in a swore as the walls followed. If he's have been asleep, he'd have been a goner. He stood out in the cold, he had nowhere he could go. He could hear Jazz coming from a distance and pulled the sleeping bag closer. He knew there was only one person he could bear going to. The only person in the zoo who was likely to turn him away. He knocked on the door and tried to block out the jazz, gathering this was where it was coming from.

"Alright?"

"What on earth?"

"Me hut's collapsed, I ain't got nowhere else to go"

"What about everyone else?"

"Ok, I ain't got nowhere else I wanna go. I admit it, I like your company and your small eyes and I'll even put up with the Jazz. Just let me in yeah? Please Howard?"

"My eyes are not small!" He opened the door and let Vince through."

"Bloody are, but it's alright mine are freakishly huge, I've got enough to share"

"They're not freakish, they're beautiful"

"Cheers, cuppa? I'll make it if you want" Vince dropped his sleeping bag on the sofa and made himself at home in the kitchen.

"Ok, do you want…clothes at all?"

"Nah, I'm good. We can get in our sleeping bags in a sec, I see you've got a tv"

-x-

After two hours of a Colobus the Crab marathon, which Howard would never admit he'd enjoyed, Vince had fallen asleep. He was curled up in a ball in the corner of the sofa, probably respecting Howard's personal space issues. Howard got his sleeping bag and settled on the floor.

-x-

Vince woke with a start, he wasn't used to waking up in a hut, let alone one that wasn't his. He calmed instantly when he saw Howard on the floor. He climbed down off the sofa and led next to him, his hand reaching out and brushing a brown curl.

"Don't touch me" Howard mumbled in his sleep and Vince smiled. No wonder he didn't get anywhere with Gideon if that was his attitude. Vince moved over a bit so he wouldn't kick Howard in night. He didn't know why he had sacrificed the comfy sofa but that's how they both sleep every night from that one.

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**Reviews make the fic come faster :) V xxxx**


	2. Chapter 2

**Based on the lyrics of "Decoy" by Paramore.**

**Warnings: Swearing, eventual het & slash. Not too sure on how high the rating will end up yet.  
**

**Disclaimer: La Boosh belongs to Lady Fielding & Lord Barratt.**

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Forgetting all the memories..._

"Howard" Vince tried to get the attention of his best friend, always a hard task.

"Howard, Howard, HOWARDDDD!" Howard jumped, attention finally grabbed.

"Where's the fire?" He asked squinting up at Vince, sun in his eyes.

"No fire, just though you should know that were staring" Vince sat down next to Howard, with no tea to give him he felt a little uncomfortable, unneeded even.

"I wasn't even looking in your direction, how could I have been staring?" Howard asked defensively. So far lack of eye contact had kept conversations like these happening.

"Not at me you lemon. At her! Grand old Gideon." Vince gestured over to where the woman in question happened to be having a coffee made for her by one of the clamouring male members of staff.

"For the record I was not staring at her either. I was simply contemplating getting a cup of coffee" Howard justified.

"Like hell. You know you can't drink coffee. You take one sip and I have to stop you bouncing off the walls"

"That was one time!"

"One time too many. Just admit you were staring at her like a school boy stares at anything in a skirt."

"Like you, you mean"

"What? I'm not in a skirt?"

"That's besides the point, I was not staring at Ms Gideon or anyone else for that matter."

"Sure you weren't. How longs it been since you started mooning over her now?"

"Seven years, give or take from the 12th of March"

"Jesus! Have I been here that long, only feels like three, four years to me"

"That's because _you've_ only been here 4 years. People do exist before you meet them you know."

"I know that. I just can't remember a time when we haven't been here together."

"That's because I've been here since you joined up, so you have more or less spent everyday with me since you got here. God, how I have survived that I don't know"

"Hey I'm not that bad! We've had some good times ain't we?" Vince's eyes widened, he looked mortified.

"Don't worry, little man, I was joking"

"You better be. After all I've had to put up with Jazz, cream poetry and you fascination with beige. Not to mention Ms Gideon this, Ms Gideon that, Ms Gideon did you know the sun shines out of your arse?"

"Alright so I like the woman, is that such a crime?"

"You keep up this staring, silently following her thing then it could well be"

"I don't silently follow her, I just can't think of anything to say"

"And why's that, thought you_ loved_ the woman"

Howard's mind told him Vince had a point, why over the years had he come to see his love for Gideon as more of a habit? He didn't crave conversation with her anymore, he had enough conversation with Vince. Her presence couldn't brighten up his day no longer because that was Vince's job. He thought about him tenfold how much he thought of Gideon. But that was to be expected, they spent every day together.

Vince was right, it was hard to remember a time when they hadn't been by each others sides. The vague memories he did have were days spent alone, miserable and the only human contact would be Gideon's polite responses to Howard's multiple bids for her attention.

Howard knew deep down there was a reason they'd stayed together for so long. He knew on his part it was because Vince made him happy, genuinely happy. More than Gideon ever would or probably could. He'd never admit it to Vince or anyone else for that matter but he'd choose Vince over Gideon any day, in any situation. Some of those imagine situations scared him half to death and thinking about them made his brain ache. Some of them he couldn't even explain, such as how Vince would hand him tea and Howard would have to bite back a "Thank you, love" not caused by his Northern heritage. He dreamed of life or death scenarios where things would be said that Howard knew in real life would never be said. Things he told himself in daylight hours were not true and ridiculous. He'd tell himself he didn't feel the things he did for Vince because he felt them for Gideon. For women, not men. Not even a cute, androgynous, naïve little blonde thing like Vince sitting not a ruler's length away from him. So close that he could feel the heat radiating from him.

"Howard, you're staring again" Vince had been watching him stare at her for the last five minutes, he hadn't said anything because it had felt like little green jealousy pixies were tearing out his vocal chords along with his heart. His own thoughts were bitter. He'd been the only one who was actually interested in Howard as a person and still he never got looks like that. Proper deep, meaningful stares where the mind is to busy thinking about how much they want the person to stop itself staring. He'd watched Gideon walk away and still Howard didn't turn his attention back to him. He was too wrapped up in thoughts of her. Vince told himself he was just an attention whore, he wanted the attention not the love and the want and the desire. His heart never listened to that though.

"Am I?"

"Gideon's buggered off by the way, so I don't know what you're meant to be staring at now"

"Told you it wasn't her I was staring at"

"Yeah and fish might fly."

"Vince…did you ever hear of the flying fish?"

"Oh, shut it and go back to thinking about your birds" Vince pouted, beaten yet again.

"Don't call her 'my bird'"

"I did mean your actual birds as in tweet-tweet. You're head of the Avery remember?"

"Yeah…well, you get back to your fish then. The ones that can't fly"

"Oh ha ha! I'll meet you in about two hours for lunch yeah?"

"Alright."

"Laters" Vince took off at a jog, Howard thinking he was always eager to work. More like eager to get away from Howard before he made himself too obvious.

"See you later, love" Luckily Howard's slip of the tongue went unnoticed by all but him. He put his head in his hands and his elbows on his knees, resisting the urge to bang his head against the wall. He reckoned his chance of getting Gideon to love him was around double what it would take to get Vince to love him and look how well Gideon was turning out.

Howard spent about five minutes asking himself why did he have to pick people he stood no chance with. Well, he didn't pick Vince. If he had a choice he would have no unwanted feelings for the man whatsoever. He'd rather feel these things for Gideon, at least that was normal.

"Howard?"

Howard's head snapped up and his eyes met those of the one person he really didn't need to confuse him that second.

"Ms Gideon. Can I help you?"

"I was just going to ask you if everything was alright."

"Yes, yes, I'm fine"

"That's good"

"I'd better…"

"Yes me too"

"I'll see you around then"

"That would be nice" She smiled in a coy way that should have sent Howard dancing with the hoofed mammals. Instead he stayed put and contemplated how much fate liked to bite him on the backside.

The moment he realised he doesn't want her as much as he thought she turns around and starts flirting.

He put his head back in his hands and wished his heart would follow his head for once.

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**Reviews make the fic come faster :) V xxxx**


	3. Chapter 3

**Based on the lyrics of "Decoy" by Paramore.**

**Warnings: Swearing, eventual het & slash. Not too sure on how high the rating will end up yet.  
**

**Disclaimer: La Boosh belongs to Lady Fielding & Lord Barratt.**

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Try to forget love cause love's forgotten me..._

"Ms Gideon? Alright?" Vince had always been an approachable kind of guy but something told him Gideon wandering over and then thinking better off it had a deeper meaning.

"Yes, yes, thank you Vince. I was actually wondering if I could ask you a favour?"

"Go for it" Vince nodded.

"I was just wondering…" She paused, looking like she was considering doing a runner. "Do you think your friend Howard would consider…" She paused again.

"Consider…?"

"Well, do you think he'd be interested at all?"

"In what?"

"Me?"

"Ooooh. Oh! Errr…yeah. Probably. I mean I can't say for sure but something tells me yeah." Vince took a deep breath, not entirely sure what was causing the strain in his voice. Fear most likely. Jealousy most definitely.

"Good. Thank you Vince" She drifted off leaving Vince to go over what had just happened in his mind. As soon as he realised that two plus two equalled four he started running to his and Howard's hut. Skidding to a halt by the sofa Howard was lead on.

"Howard, Oi small eyes!"

"Vince?"

"You won't believe who I just had asking after you!"

"Way you're acting must be someone special."

"Well you think so. It was Gideon! Asking after you all teenage girl with a crush style."

"Great." There was no enthusiasm in his voice whatsoever.

"So confess, what type of love spell you been casting on her then? Or did you slip something in her coffee this morning?"

"I haven't done nothing to her. Is it so difficult to accept she's interested of her own accord?"

"Pretty much. Nah I'm joking, of course she is. Nice handsome Northerner like yourself, surprised it's taken her so long to finally admit it. If she had a dot of sense she'd have been all over you long ago" His brain screamed hypocrite as his mouth spoke the words.

"Yeah well, that's life"

"You don't seem too happy Howard"

"Life's complicated" Howard sighed. "Love even more so"

"Yeah but it's worth it though, for that special someone"

"Hmmm"

"Jeez, aren't you just a barrel of sunshine. Come on lets get some lunch"

"I'm not hungry. You go. I need some space"

"Fine! I'll go see what Naboo's doing then." Vince slammed the door, feelings hurt and thoughts confused. He leaned against the wood for a minute, organizing his emotions.

He didn't track down the shaman instead he ate alone, thinking thoughts that made his head ache.

-x-

He shouldn't have snapped at Vince, he knew it. He thought he was gonna be the bearer of good news, how was he to know the mental turmoil going through Howard's brain.

But how could he have explained that to Vince? How could he explain that now he was getting something he'd wanted for so long he had come to the conclusion that he was head over heels in love. But not with Gideon.

There was a knock at the door and he got up to answer it, hoping it was Vince so he could apologize and maybe even offer the more clingy man a hug that he himself needed so badly.

However his hopes went unanswered and before him stood Gideon, glasses twiddling between two fingers.

"Hi" she said looking up from the doorstep she had been studying while waiting/

"Hey?" Howard answered uncertainly.

"I thought if you didn't already have plans, would you like to come for dinner in my hut?"

Howard's mind raced, trying to think of a polite way to back out without hurting her feelings.

_Tell her the truth? Tell her your busy? Tell her you're the pope??? Tell her something!_

"That would be great, thank you" Howard's lips said of their own accord, ignoring his brain's frantic search for an excuse.

"Great, around 8?"

"Perfect"

"See you then"

"Yeah.."

She walked off and Howard closed the door and banged his head against it.

"Idiot! Idiot! Idiot!"

Another knock on the door reverberated against his forehead and he quickly opened the door.

"Hello?" Time he was met by the sight he wanted first time round.

"You alright Howard?"

"Nooooooo" Howard moaned, walking towards the sofa and collapsing back onto it, leaving Vince to close the door and kneel on the floor by him.

"What's up?"

"I'm sorry for being a grumpy git earlier. I was just…thinking and my brain didn't really like what I was thinking and then Gideon just exacerbated things."

"And how did she make things worse?"

"Just by…hold on, did you just understand a word bigger than six letters?" Howard sat up and let Vince get up on the sofa next to him.

"Yep. I've been watching Shaun of the Dead"

"And that's full of big words?"

"Not really, more zombies but it has that one. And hey mister subject changer, what did she do to make things worse?"

"She asked me for dinner" Howard mumbled, leaving Vince to stare at him in shock.

Inside Vince's head he was panicking, he felt like someone had taken the air out of his lungs. He knew he should be happy for his friend. He was getting to be with the one he loved but he couldn't help the selfish voice inside his head that asked _What about me?_.

Then he realised Howard wasn't over the moon about this. Maybe there's something else…someone else?

_Vince, stop kidding yourself! _

Vince sighed outwardly and ignored all his thoughts, returning his attention to this latest revelation.

"And you said?"

"Yes. I know, I'm an idiot…I just agreed without even thinking"

"And this is a bad thing, thought you were hot for her?"

Howard wrinkled his nose at the idea of him "being hot" for anyone.

"So did I…It's complicated."

"Ain't that complicated from where I'm sat, either you love a person or you don't""Yeah well it's easy for you, you get everyone falling at your feet. Nobody I like will ever think of me in that way"

"Gideon is! You're to harsh on yourself sometimes. Come on big guy, we're chucking this no touching rule out for a second. Give us a hug.."

Vince didn't even wait for Howard to answer, he wrapped his arms around Howard's shoulders and buried his head in the crook of Howard's neck. He clung like that for a minute or so and then decided it wasn't working. Surprisingly it was Howard that spoke when he let go.

"That wasn't a hug, that was you attaching yourself to my side."

"Sorry Howard"

"No, you…dishcloth, proper hug please?"

Vince blinked not sure he'd heard properly. Then when Howard extended his arms to Vince he flung himself into them, height difference meaning his head was resting firmly on his chest. Both closed their eyes and reflected this was probably the closest their ever get. Howard stroked Vince's hair and Vince sighed, the noise bringing him back to earth, unwillingly.

"Alright?"

"Dandy, you?"

"Panicky!"

"How long you got?"

"Until 8..."

"Jesus" Vince jumped up and started pulling clothes out of their tiny wardrobe, mostly filled with Vince's clothes.

Howard watched him and smiled, imagined it was him that he was preparing to go for dinner with.

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**Next chapter the ratings going to be upped to M, so if you want to keep track of this story you'll have to put it on alret because it'll no longer automatically show up on the main page.**

Reviews make the fic come faster :) V xxxx


	4. Chapter 4

**Based on the lyrics of "Decoy" by Paramore.**

**Warnings: Swearing, slash & eventual het. M for sexual content.  
**

**Disclaimer: La Boosh belongs to Lady Fielding & Lord Barratt.**

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**Well hey, hey baby, it's never too late  
Pretty soon you won't remember a thing**_

"Howard!"

"What? I'm not coming out, I look weird!"

"It's a suit Howard, it ain't weird!….Well not on you anyways" Vince said the last bit under his breath.

"I can always back out now, call and say…I've died or something?"

"No you can't, that'd be rude"

"Promise not to laugh?"

"I swear, now get you pumpkin arse out here!"

Howard stuck his head from round the small bathroom door before stepping out. He had on straight black trousers that made his northern pins look even longer and a light blue shirt, not to tight, not to loose. His hair looked neater but his curls still looked cute. He ran his tongue over his teeth, a nervous gesture that had a habit of making Vince's train of thought derail.

"Fuck me…" Vince took in a sharp breath and bit his tongue. He hadn't meant that as a request but it half sounded that way.

"Do I look alright?" Howard asked biting his lip.

"You look...wow! Sorry…can't get over that. You look great!" Vince sighed, knowing this mental snapshot would carry him through the night wondering what he was doing with Gideon.

"Good. Good. Help me with the tie" Howard hand extended offering Vince a dark blue tie.

"Haha, like I know how to do those things" Vince said backing away, he didn't think he could handle being that close to Howard at the moment.

"Yes you do! I've seen you wear them before" Howard waved the offending piece of material at Vince until he begrudgingly took it.

He took a step towards Howard and looped it round his shirt collar, his fingers brushing the nape of his neck while his self control worked overtime.

_You do not fancy your best mate. You are purely platonic. Purely platonic friends do not want to fuck. It's all just envy. You don't want him. You don't want Howard._

Vince stared down at the tie while he worked it's knots, not risking eye contact. His breathing was strained, his skin felt hot and his work trousers felt too tight where his cock was blatantly not listening to his brain's mantra.

"All…done" Vince whispered, not wanting to break the moment of calm. He looked up at Howard finally, he was way closer than he thought he was. Their eyes met and his lips were millimetres from Howard's. Vince took another breath, his mind screaming at him to back off and his body not moving. He raised a hand to Howard's shirt collar where it was stuck up but before it got there Howard had gently pressed their lips together. Softly, no more than five seconds and then he withdrew, cheeks pink.

"Sorry""I'm not" Vince said, his voice again coming out in a whisper, breath ghosting over Howard's lips before Vince reconnected them. This time it was deeper and less gentle. All the tension that had built up in Vince for the last few minutes was being released. He felt himself being pushed against the wall nearest to them, his hands searched out Howard's and grasped them, letting them be raised and held against the wall as well. Their bodies were pressed tight against each other and Vince found he didn't care that Howard could probably feel his erection by now, it might even help the situation. Howard felt Vince's tongue brush against his teeth, begging to be let in further and he obliged. He dropped one of Vince's hands and tangled his own in the dirty blonde locks instead. Vince's free hand went to his trouser zip, obviously intending to take things further but it was taken away by Howard.

"I should go…" Howard took a few steps back and Vince followed him.

"What?" Vince asked, not entirely sure he had enough oxygen to speak yet.

"I've got that date, Gideon"

"Don't go" Vince pouted and put his arms around Howard's neck but they were quickly removed.

"I should…like you said it's rude not to" Howard looked down at the floor.

"Little different, under the circumstances."

"What circumstances?"

Vince took a step away from him and frowned.

"How about the fact we just kissed for a circumstance?"

"Vince…I don't…I'm not…"

"Oh, just say it. You're not gay, well bloody good show your making of that!" Anger and heartbreak raged through him both at the same time battling for control.

"I'm sorry"

"Just go, go to your precious Gideon!"

"Vince…" Howard wanted nothing more than to reach out to him, to stop his eyes glistening from tears yet to come but he couldn't.

"Just fuck off!" Vince felt himself get weaker and felt the hot tears break free and flow down his cheeks. He grabbed one of the cushions off the sofa and chucked it at Howard.

Howard ducked three more before grabbing his jacket and running for the door.

He looked over at Gideon's hut in despair. He knew in his heart where he wanted to be so why couldn't he just admit it. Why couldn't he just tell Vince. It couldn't be fear of rejection from him, after all he'd just made it very clear how he felt. It was just the rest of the world. He didn't want to be ridiculed. He didn't want to be asked why he's fallen for his best mate when all these years he'd claimed to love Gideon. He didn't want all the snide remarks about him being with a guy.

And he didn't want Vince to have to go through that either.

-x-

**_And I'll be distant as stars reminiscing  
Your heart's been wasted on me_**

"Howard?"

"Yes, sorry…I was listening. I'm just not good with the whole eye contact thing."

_Liar. You were too busy wishing you were somewhere else._

Howard looked around the room and spotted several tanks fixed to the walls, hidden in dark corners and just lying on the floor.

"Are you allowed to have all these snakes in here" he asked, a tad unnerved by them.

"Well, not really. If Bob Fossil knew he'd make me put them all in the reptile house but I had these babies before I came here and I can't bare to be parted from them. Why do they make you nervous?" There was a smile on her lips, she was teasing.

"Not at all, I'm a great lover of the snake" Howard looked at a Boa Constrictor that was sat in a tank near him and swallowed.

"That's not what Vince tells me" Gideon laughed and Howard did too but his was a few shades faker.

Vince. Why did she have to bring him up. He was trying to block out all memory of the last ten minutes they'd had together. Which was proving impossible.

-x-

"Goodnight, Howard"

"Night"

He'd admit it, he didn't have to get up at five to count the birds and he no longer had to make Vince a cup of hot chocolate before bed but Gideon seemed to buy it anyway. It was only nine but Howard didn't think he could take another hour wishing he were back home with Vince, his ball of sunshine rather than the overhanging cloud of worry that came with Gideon.

**_You've never been so used as I'm using you, abusing you  
My little decoy  
Don't look so blue, you should've seen right through  
I'm using you, my little decoy  
My little decoy_**

She leant in to kiss his cheek and he froze to the touch. She didn't seem to notice though, closing her door with a smile.

Howard got to the hut door before he paused. What the hell was he planning on saying? What could excuse him behaving like such a tit. What could he say to make it all better?

He opened the door and peered into darkness. Vince was sat on the sofa, TV off, sleeping bag round him, just staring into space.

"I'm back" was all Howard could manage. .

"I can see that" Vince glanced at him then looked away, he wasn't mad and he wasn't crying. Worse than that, he was detached and hollow-sounding.

"Wanna know how it went?" He tried to lighten things up a bit.

"No I fucking don't!" The fire in his eyes returned for a second then faded. "Why would I?"

"I'm sorry, alright! If it's any help I've felt like crap since the second I walked out that door" Howard walked over to stand directly in his eye line.

"Oh I'm sorry, how inconsiderate of me, you must be going through hell. First getting off with me then the trauma of going on a date with the woman you've fantasized about for years. That sounds like a real hard time"

"It was actually. If you must know I had to leave early because I couldn't stop thinking about you…fucked up as that is because as you said I spent years wanting her."

"Well don't let a silly thing like my feelings get in the way of that then cause I don't care anymore"

"No, Vince, you don't get it. It wasn't guilt…well not just guilt. I was counting down the seconds til I could leave and come back here. Come back to you."

"Then why the hell did you leave in the first place. I asked you not to"

Howard sank down on the sofa, thinking of an answer to a question he'd been asking himself since Gideon had opened her door.

"I don't know it's all so messed up"

"Thanks"

"No I didn't mean that. It's just I'm meant to love her and my brain tells me that's the sensible thing to do but…"

"Your heart don't listen to your brain" Vince finished for him. "I've been having the same trouble. What does your heart say?"

"Vince. In resounding capital letters and bold print. It's you. I love…you." Howard couldn't believe the words had left his mouth. Over the last few years he'd refused to think them let alone say them.

"Stating the obvious here but I love you as well"

"It's all so complicated now. What with us and Gideon…" Vince put a finger to Howard's lips, silencing him.

"Can we just for tonight forget all that stuff? Please?" Vince asked, kissing him gently at the end then pulling back, waiting for an answer.

"But Gideon?"

"It's not cheating, not if you've only had one date and you haven't made more plans"

"But what about us? I don't want us to fall apart because things get awkward."

"Tomorrow we can pretend it never happened, nobody needs to know" He kissed Howard again this time pulling him closer.

"Just one night. Please?" Vince mumbled, not breaking the kiss properly.

"Mmm-kay" Howard let his arms find their way into Vince's hair and kissed Vince properly, tongues seeking each other out.

He let himself be pulled down onto the floor by his tie and stored that particular gesture away under things he liked before realising it'd only ever work if it was Vince doing it.

He let Vince climb onto him and watched as he undid the buttons on his shirt, marvelling at how delicate yet quick he was and remove it gently. He peeled Vince's tight t-shirt off and stroked his hands over his pale back.

Vince managed to get Howard's trousers off without having to move much but he had to stand up to remove his own leaving Howard led on the floor, taking in the sight.

"You're gorgeous, you know"

"So I'm told" Vince smiled, not taking the compliment in.

"I mean it, really beautiful" Howard watched as Vince's cheeks grew pink, he'd gotten through.

"Thank you, so are you"

Vince knelt back down on the floor, free of all clothes. He put his arms round Howard's neck and half pulled him on top of him. He tipped his head against the hard concrete as Howard kissed down his neck, onto his chest leaving the skin hot and damp.

"Hold up, we need lube…fuck"

"Where?" Howard looked up.

"Draw, there." Vince pointed at a draw by the sofa slightly out of reach. "I think I can get it."

Vince stretched, shuffling back making it easier both to reach and for Howard's trail of kisses to continue across his chest and down to his stomach. Vince's fingers just met the handle of the draw.

"Told you I could reach"

"Mmm-hmm"

Vince tried to pull the draw open gently and failed. He lifted himself off the ground slightly with one elbow and Howard took this opportunity to grasp his hips and take Vince's length into his mouth. The draw came out with a clatter, throwing random objects all over the place loudly, where Vince had pulled it too hard.

"Fuck, warn me next time you're gonna do that will ya?"

"Then I'd lose my reputation as a maverick."

"Wouldn't want that" Vince leant up on his elbows and kissed him, it was those little things he loved most. He reached behind him to where the lube had fallen and offered it to Howard.

"How does this work then?"

"You have to…" Vince held up one finger and then two, hoping the message got through. He gathered it had when he saw Howard's eyes widen slightly.

"Don't worry, you're getting the easier half of the deal"

Howard nodded and put his hands on Vince's thighs, parting them. He followed Vince's instructions and watched him squirm and moan quietly.

"Howard"

"Ready?"

"Snap to, Mr Moon"

"Yes sir"

"Christy!"

"What?"

"Nothing, just that sounded so much dirtier than usual"

Howard positioned Vince's leg as high as flexibility would allow and pushed inside him. It took a few seconds to adjust to the coldness of the lube against the heat of Vince but when he did he decided it was one of the best sensations in the world. His first few thrusts sent Vince into incoherency and the ones after that produced a weird mixture of swear words, blasphemies and a few lines out of a Hail Mary, as irony would have it. Howard himself couldn't manage anything above Vince's name. Howard's vision began to spot and a slightly feral moan from Vince sent him over the edge and from the sounds of it he took Vince with him. When his thoughts focused again he lent down and kissed Vince, whose eyes fluttered open and then closed again.

"Well, bugger me…no pun intended…that was amazing" Vince said as Howard stood up and chucked Vince's discarded sleeping bag down on him.

"Mmm" Howard replied not really sure he could think up a whole sentence or even a proper word yet.

"Aren't you gonna get yours?" Vince asked as Howard got back on the floor.

"After that, we can share." Howard spread the open sleeping bag across the two of them and led back down. Within seconds Vince had shuffled over and led his head on his chest and entwined one of his legs with Howard's. "Just for tonight"

"Mmmm" Vince was already more asleep than awake so Howard wrapped his arms around him, cocooning him almost and let himself drift off too. He'd clean everything up tomorrow.

Both physically and mentally.

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**Reviews make the fic come faster ;) V xxxxx**


	5. Chapter 5

**Based on the lyrics of "Decoy" by Paramore.**

**Warnings: Swearing, slash & eventual het. M for sexual content.  
**

**Disclaimer: La Boosh belongs to Lady Fielding & Lord Barratt.**

_

* * *

Living life inside a dream  
Time is changing everything_

Vince could feel the light and warmth of the sun on his skin. It was a Friday morning, just like the other weekdays gone past he'd have to get up and start working. Without opening his eyes he could tell Howard was making either tea or coffee, tea if he'd slept well and coffee if he hadn't. Vince still didn't open his eyes, he enjoyed these few minutes of taking in his surroundings and situation without seeing it, a skill he had been working on for the last few months.

He shuffled slightly and felt carpet burning his back and smooth material sliding down his chest, no layers between the two different materials and his skin. He could feel a few sensitive bruises forming on his back and as he lazily traced a hand across his stomach he could feel what he suspected was a bite mark. No doubt it was coffee that Howard was serving.

Vince sighed, this was the seventeenth time he'd woken up like this in the past three months, with an empty space behind him and a clattering of china because Howard couldn't keep his mind on making the drinks, not until Vince was dressed and back to acting like the platonic best friend.

They'd blame alcohol, tiredness, reminiscing, boredom, frustration and quite a few times each other but in truth it was their own fault for never stopping the other. They'd never say anything about it outside of these four walls and hardly ever inside them.

Vince opened his eyes, giving into the knowledge that the next half hour had to happen for them to get on with the rest of their day.

"Mornin'"

"Your up? Finally"

"Yeah, well I was tired" Vince winced at the implication and got up. Howard said nothing and adverted his eyes and Vince pulled on his work trousers and a blue top with a line of green stars down one side, Howard would never admit how good he looked even in the simplest of outfits. Instead he handed Vince a cup and blew into his own steaming mug.

"Coffee this morning?" Vince asked, trying to keep a satisfied smirk off his lips.

"Yeah well we've got a long day, Fossils put us back on Night Watch again"

"Oh fuck's sake! I hate Night Watch, he knows that. I have a long list of stuff I'd rather be doing on a Friday night"

"It's probably a good idea that he has then." Howard stared down into his coffee.

"What's that meant to mean?" Vince raised an eyebrow, pretty sure he knew exactly what it meant.

"It'll stop anything happening…between us"

"Oh will it?" Vince said sarcastically. "I don't believe we managed to get through the door last night, actually I think my Jagger top is still hanging on the porch light"

"Well, that can't happen again" Howard sighed.

"That's what you said last time. And the time before, and last Thursday…"

"I mean it Vince, it can't. We agreed it was better off like this" Howard made eye contact with him for the first time this morning.

"I never!" Vince put his untouched coffee down and crossed his arms.

"Please Vince?" Howard raised a hand to stroke Vince's cheek. "You're just tired, drink your coffee and then think about it. You know it's right" He let his hand fall and handed Vince his coffee again.

"Hmmmfft" Vince mumbled before gulping down his coffee not caring that he burnt his throat as he did so. He'd never think Howard was right, he'd just lose the argument.

"How is this…" He gestured to the mess of sleeping bags symbolising what had happened in them previously "…right?"

"It's not. That's the point Vince. I should be with Gideon"

"You should be with me!"

"Vince…"

"I know, I know…people would talk, we wouldn't be allowed to share this hut and chances are Fossil would fire you because I'm his Vincey Princey. You know what, I'm finding it harder and harder to give a fuck about all that."

"I know but I do. I need this job and I want to stay here." Howard surprised Vince by taking his coffee off him once again but this time so he could put his arms around him.

"I don't…" Vince's voice cracked and he coughed to try and sound stronger. "I don't want you to leave, I just hate all these secret couple of time a week shags followed by the guilt trip. I hate that our friendship is so forced in public so that nobody notices any difference and I hate seeing you with her, having to pretend to be happy for you when I'd much rather feed her to one of her snakes"

"You can't do that" Howard said stroking Vince's hair and he nuzzled into his chest.

"Why not?" Vince pouted.

"None of her snakes have a big enough bite radius"

Vince laughed against his chest then looked up into his eyes, he was smiling too. Vince dared to kiss him, just gently, but he was pushed away after a few seconds.

"…and it'd be wrong, murder even."

"Still thought about it though, didn't ya"

"No I didn't! I never said that…" Howard couldn't help but smile.

"You want to feed Gideon to her snake!" Vince sang, wiggling his head in time with each syllable.

"Don't"

"Do!"

"Don't"

"So do, you waaa…" Vince was cut off by Howard's lips. "Never mind"

Howard still had his arms around Vince from their hug but now they were searching out different body parts, pulling at clothing while his legs backed into the table. China cups smashed on the floor bringing their attention away from each other.

"Err, we should probably go to work.." Vince said looking at the clock, five minutes late already.

"And the curtains are open" Howard noticed.

"Sorry, my bad"

"My fault, I started it"

"Not like the zoo's open yet though"

"Good point" Howard grabbed Vince around the waist and kissed him again, quickly but fiercely knowing they'd have to act normal for a dozen or so long hours. "Right, let's go then" Howard picked his jacket up off the floor where it had been left last night and walked to the door leaving Vince stood stock still somewhat breathless.

"Yeah…I mean yeah, let's go." Vince jogged the meter or so to the door and followed Howard out of it, stopping to reach up and unhook yesterdays top from the porch light.

-x-

"You alright, little man?" Howard looked sideways over to Vince who was walking beside him, breath misting the air slightly.

"Yeah…just had to take part in the weekly 'how are Howard and Gideon doing?' debate, always enjoyable."

"Sorry" Howard looked down at the floor, he hated what this was doing to Vince.

"Not your fault is it, you don't make them all ask me" Vince shrugged, looking resigned to his fate.

"No. But if there was any other way…Look I know it ain't the best of situations but there's got to be some way that I can make you feel better? Please?"

Vince shrugged again, he had a habit of retreating back into his shell when he was alone with Howard lately.

"There must be something. Come on, tell me what's going through that cockney noggin of yours"

"It's saying I wish it didn't have to be like this at all. It's saying there shouldn't be nothing to fix. But y'know in a cockney accent."

"Does that mean you think we should stop doing this?" Vince looked at Howard, he actually looked worried. Part of him didn't want to loose this at least.

"Never. Oh, Howard, I don't know what I want. It shouldn't be this flaming depressing I know that."

"I know" Howard sighed.

"What if it weren't then? What if you stopped feeling guilty over Gideon and I stop hating the fact you're with her as far as everyone else is concerned. Nobody needs to know still, it'll be our secret, exactly the same just more fun. Just say you want me and you can have me."

"You know I want you, no matter how much I said otherwise you never believed me."

"We're on then?"

"This is so fucked up"

"I know, sorta thrilling at the same time though."

"Like all bad things"

"You want this?" Vince brushed Howard's hands with his fingertips as they walked, pushing the last doubt out of Howard's mind.

"I want it" Howard whispered.

"Good" Vince said grabbing Howard's wrist, looking round quickly then dragging him round a corner so that they were out of _most of_ the zoo's view.

He pushed Howard up against the back of a cage, not knowing what animal was inside and not really caring either. He pressed their bodies together, effectively trapping Howard and covered his mouth with his own before he could protest. Vince managed to his get buckle, button and zip undone before he realised what Vince was doing.

"Vince! What are you doing?" Howard grabbed the waist of his trousers to keep them up.

"What do you think I'm doing, now hush up or I won't do it" Vince took off Howard's jacket and spread it out on the floor, kneeling on it.

"Vince…we're outside!" Howard gestured around with his hands and inadvertently dropped his trousers.

"I had noticed." Vince nodded, pulling Howard's boxers down just far enough so that he could expose his cock.

"But anyone could see!"

"Is anyone about?"

"No"

"Is anyone likely to be about for the next five minutes, baring in mind it's gone 2 in the morning?"

"…No"

"Do you really want me to stop"

"No!"

"Hahaha, knew it. Having said all that, probably a good idea to keep it down…volume-wise" Vince jerked his head towards a nearby hut.

"Shit Vince, that's Gideon's hut"

"Is it? Genius"

"Vince!"

"I know, I'm a naughty boy. More fun though ain't it?"

"I knew said you were…" Vince took this opportunity to take Howard's cock in his mouth, smiling as the words abruptly stopped. He heard Howard clearing his throat "God, no you are actually"

"Mmm-hmm"

"Jesus!" Howard clung onto the fence behind him so hard his knuckles were turning white with the effort of trying not to make a sound while Vince slowly sucked him into a shaky, slightly sweaty mess. As he got dangerously close to coming, Vince withdrew.

"Oh no you don't, Moon. Night's not over yet" Vince said as he stood up and brushed off Howard's jacket, leaving Howard to pull up his trousers and make himself look presentable.

"What about Night Watch?" He said doing up his belt buckle.

"Screw it, who's gonna rob this place anyway" Vince spun around, arms extended, pointing out the lack of animals to Howard. Howard however was too absorbed in the way the moonlight was playing off his face. Part of him wanted to freeze this moment forever but most of him wanted Vince to walk a lot faster so they were back in their hut as soon as possible.

This he decided was a lot better than the guilt ridden and failed denial that he was feeling before. Even if it was a little wrong.

-x-

Howard and Vince sat down in Bob Fossil's office, nervous as hell and more than slightly guilty looking.

"Alright, now, we got a problem"

"What?"

"First of all, what the hell were you two doing on Night Watch huh?

"Errr" Vince looked at Howard and tried not to laugh.

"Looking at your ass?"

"N-no, we were there. All night…" Howard looked at Vince waiting for him to say something.

"Doing it" Vince raises an eyebrow at Howard and smirked.

"… Watching stuff"

They looked at their manager, innocent eyed and praying he hadn't read too much into their little game.

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**Reviews will make the fic come faster ;) V xxxxx**


	6. Chapter 6

**Based on the lyrics of "Decoy" by Paramore.**

**Warnings: Swearing, slash & het refs. M for sexual content.  
**

**Disclaimer: La Boosh belongs to Lady Fielding & Lord Barratt.

* * *

**

Vince sat, skin cold against the bathtub. Howard hadn't come home again last night and his stomach was doing back flips. Part of him didn't want him to come back because that meant explanations, awkward and guilty looks and he's have to pretend he was fine with it, say something along the lines of that was he'd signed up for.

The water had been cold for a good twenty minutes but he didn't want to have to face an empty hut, even thought the alternative was he'd have to face Howard, he'd rather be with him that without him.

He jumped as he heard the door go, signalling Howard's return. His instinct was to jump out of the bath and run into his arms but he knew that would end in embarrassment if not injury.

He slowly pulled the plug out and watched the water drain away from him. Howard must have heard it because he broke the silence.

"Vince?"

"Bath" Vince shouted through the door.

"Can I come in?"

"No" He closed his eyes, he'd said that a bit too quickly, nerves making him sound pissed off even though he wasn't.

"Why? It's not like I haven't seen it all before" Howard said through the door, so quietly that he must have been leaning his head against it. He sounded tired and unhappy and guilt wrapped it's fingers around Vince's insides making him feel even worse.

"It's not that, it's just the door's locked and I can't reach it from here" He knew Howard wouldn't check but he still quickly got out of the bath, wrapped a towel around himself and rattled the lock, pretending to unlock it before opening the door.

His guess had been right, Howard had the side of is head pressed against the doorframe. He looked like he'd been put through the emotional wrangle, all this secrecy was starting to take a toll. Vince blamed himself no matter how many times Howard said it was what he wanted too.

"What's wrong? You look…troubled?" Troubled didn't quite cover it in Vince's opinion but he couldn't think of a word that did.

"It's Gideon, that's where I was by the way. She's…" Howard swallowed and words seemed to abandon him.

"She's not pregnant is she?!" Vince's eyes widened to twice their normal size.

"What? No! We haven't even…So obviously she's not pregnant. That would be better probably."

"Christ, what is it then? Has she found out or something?"

"No, no but…she's getting jumpy, reckons I don't pay her enough attention. She says we, as in me and you, are too close and we, was in me and her, aren't close enough"

"Oh. Ermm, that's not exactly a crisis is it? I mean fair play to her that she's worried, and good on you for feeling bad, and I don't want to sound like a heartless twat but that's not the worst thing it could have been, y'know thinking about it."

"It is, she's come up with the _perfect_ solution to all this. She wants to move in!"

"Shit, that is pretty crisis-like. What did you do?"

"Well, panic was the first thing, which needless to say didn't help the situation. Then I tried to reason with her, that didn't work. Then I fled."

"Ah, that might not have helped either. Couldn't you just tell her, I dunno, you aren't ready or something?"

"Tried, I tried everything Vince."

"But she can't move in! Firstly, there ain't enough space for us two let alone her too. Secondly, I don't want her living with me, I can't stand the woman, for obvious reasons. And then lastly, those obvious reasons, we can't keep…" Vince searched for a phrase that would fit the conversation and failed. "…doing what we're doing if she's flaming led between us!"

"I know, I told her that too…well the first bit anyway. That's ermm, the next bit of bad news"

"What is?" Vince's eyes widened again, wondering how much worse this morning could get.

Howard looked down at his shoes and stayed silent.

"Howard, what has she done?"

"She said that if she's living here…then her hut would be empty and you could…"

"She's not kicking me out!" Vince's shout was a mixture of shock and outrage and it rang out a few octaves higher than Vince's normal voice, a sure sign that he was really affected by it.

"I told you it was bad, she's been to see Fossil and everything" Howard didn't look up from his shoes.

"What, before asking you?"

"She presumed I'd be over the moon"

"But you're not!" Vince gestured at Howard, as if Gideon could see him. "Surely I have a say in this?"

"I don't know, Fossil hates me, he's not gonna let me pick what I want is he?"

"Why not? He'll think you would want her, he might. Not that it matters, he _loves_ me, he'll let me have what I want. Pain in the arse though. Bloody interfering woman!" Vince started towards the door. "You go tell her your reasoning, tell her I ain't moving out for anybody and I'll meet you here when we're done." Vince reached out for the doorknob.

"Vince, wait!"

"What now?" Vince didn't mean to snap but his mind couldn't separate his emotions at the moment.

"Firstly, calm down a minute. Fossil is gonna start questioning your motives if you go in there guns blazing, he'll start the whole zoo talking"

"Howard, I can't just calm down, she's ruining my life. Everything was perfect, well maybe not perfect exactly but it was fine! Then she has to go and fuck things up like only she knows how to! You're just lucky it ain't her I'm going to see…"

Throughout Vince's rant, Howard had crossed the room until he was stood a few centimetres away from him. As soon as Vince stopped gesturing he put one arm around his waist and the other around his shoulders, cocooning him until he stopped yelling. Vince closed his eyes and slowed his breathing, letting Howard 'shhh' him even though he was still seething inside.

"Also, as much as I appreciate the amount of you on show at the moment, you might want to get dressed before going to see Fossil, don't want him raping you now do we?" Howard stroked the small of his back, drawing Vince's attention to the fact that minus the towel, he was naked.

"Hmmm, you're right. I'm still not calming down though. Don't care if it's gonna make me look like a childish brat but I'm getting what I want whether I have to get on his desk and scream at him. Let the zoo talk, it'll be me they'll be talking about not you…what?" Vince noticed Howard was staring at him, not because of his lack of clothing either. Howard still didn't stop staring, he just blinked a few times.

"You're so brave. I don't know how you can not be bothered by everyone else talking about you, analysing your every move. I couldn't stand it."

"I know. Which is why you're doing this whole Gideon thing. I get it, it's pointless in my opinion because everyone's just analysing you and her instead but I understand it, you don't want people making a fuss about us and having a go at you for liking a boy."

"You're making me sound like a teenage girl, you know that right?"

"Makes a change from that being me then" Vince smirked before getting back on business. "Right I'll go get dressed and hit up Fossil, hopefully literally, while you go make Gideon see sense…y'know if such a thing is even possible?"

"C'mon don't get bitchy, not this early in the morning, it makes me feel bad for putting you through this"

"It was her I was having a go at, not you. You go see her, I'll try and cool down a bit" Vince shrugged and pulled his work trousers on. Howard simply nodded and left, leaving Vince with the impression that he should have said something more to comfort him. Then again, right now a few bruised feelings weren't their most pressing matter.

Howard stood outside Gideon's door, pretty sure that the sooner he got this over with the better it would be but somehow that message failed to make it to his hand.

_**Forgetting all the memories  
And I'm forced into you just cause you're into me**_

After about five minutes, he finally reached out and knocked on the cold wood. Gideon instantly answered the door, she must have known he was standing outside.

"Yes?" She sounded pissed off, not that he could blame her.

"I…erm, talked to Vince"

"And?"

"He doesn't want to move"

"Have you tried talking sense into him"

Howard bit back a bitter laugh, how irony seemed to love to rear it's head.

"Sort of…I don't know. I mean it's not exactly fair to ask him to move out of his home"

"It's just a hut" Gideon rolled her eyes.

"It's not to him though, he's been in that hut pretty much since he arrived at the zoo. He's really attached to it"

"Attached to you more like" Gideon crossed her arms and Howard gathered that he was not doing a very good job.

"Yeah, well I'm all he's got, I'm not going to abandon him, I love him…" Howard coughed, he hadn't meant to say that last bit. "…errr, like a brother"

"More than you love me?"

Howard looked in to her eyes for the first time since she'd answered the door, wondering if he could lie directly into them.

"It's different" That'd be a no then. He cursed himself, if he'd have said yes then she'd stop questioning him and if he'd have said no then he'd be out of this trouble.

"Then I don't understand why it should be a hard choice"

"Choice? What do you mean choice?"

"Me or Vince, only one of us can live with you, you choose who"

"But…I can't just kick him out, even if I wanted too. I mean, right now he's gone to complain to Fossil about all this"

"Well, go home and tell him that would be a very bad thing for him to do. I'm sure he doesn't want to make his friend have to drive him out, does he?" Gideon smiled in a way that unnerved Howard and shut her door.

He stood stunned for a minute and then started walking back to his hut, contemplating what would happen next. He knew it would have been ten times easier to have said to her there and then that he picked Vince but all he could do now was kick himself and hope Vince was having a bit more luck with Fossil. He got about 20 meters from his office before that hope was shattered, from here he could hear the familiar cockney voice shouting.

"What do you mean I'm not supposed to be living with him anyway! It's not my fucking fault your flimsy excuse for staff accommodation fell down when I was inside it! Nobody came and offered me a hut of my own then did they!"

Silence fell for a second, no doubt Fossil was trying to speak.

"Don't you think if I wanted a hut of my own I'd have asked for one by now. No, hard as it is for you to grasp, I like sharing with Howard and I ain't moving!"

Five more seconds of silence.

"What do you care why? He's my friend and I don't want to be without him. I know we'd still work together but it won't be the same. You don't understand."

Howard could barely hear him now, so he edged closer to the office door.

"Yes, alright, I am jealous.. a bit. That's not the point though. I don't want to go to sleep at night without him and I don't wanna wake up in the morning and not be able to say 'fancy a cuppa?'. I need him…more than anything. Don't take him away from me, make him stay."

"Jeez, it's like you're flaming in love with the guy!" Fossil's American accent came through the door now that Howard had his ear to it. He swallowed nervously, he wasn't sure he wanted to hear Fossil's end of the argument, his ways of making Vince back down and comply.

"Fine, if that's what you want, I'll admit it. I love him, I do, for Christ's sake he's my entire world. Him being with Gideon is already tearing me apart, imagine what it'll do to me if you let them live together."

"Well, there ain't jack I can do, Vincey. Maybe it's better if he went."

"No!" Howard heard a crash and presumed Vince had kicked something. There were a few minutes silence, probably Vince trying to calm himself down.

"It wouldn't be better, trust me. Can't you make something up like girls and boys can't share?"

"But then I'll have lawyers all over my ass bitching about equal rights"

"Would you rather have my lawyers all over your arse about how a roof nearly fell in on me?"

"Come on Vince, don't be like that. It's up to Howard, that's the best I can do"

"Not good enough! I mean it Fossil"

"Don't Vince, or I'll have you fired" Fossil's voice lost it's whinging edge instantly.

"Fine, I don't care. It ain't worth working in this shithole without Howard."

"Fine then, I'll have Howard fired instead."

"What? That's not fair, it's me that's having a go not him!"

"But if he didn't work here they'd be no problem. See I have logic. Sort this out between you three or he gets sacked. Goodbye!"

Howard flattened himself against the wall so that Vince would walk straight out without seeing him. He expected him to be angry but instead he looked broken, like he'd had all the fight taken out of him. Howard had never seen him like that before, he prayed he never would again. Though as he made his way back to the hut he had a feeling he would.

* * *

**Next chapter's the last one.** **V xxxxx**


End file.
